Monday, June 17, 2013

Failure, retest, and confidence

"Not to be overly confident", these were the words that my husband humbly answered me when I asked him what he learned after he failed to pass the drivers license knowledge test that effects his character

Joshua hasn't had his driver license for a matter of years already since he lost it due to driving under the influence of alcohol during the time that he was still wondering in the wilderness and was cold in his relationship with Christ Jesus and that is another story to tell.

We were excited and waited for this moment, we are hopeful that everything will be processed today since we already paid the reinstatement fee online and got a proof that he paid his court fine and taking another test is not risky for he took it the first time he applied when he was 16 years old. 

A friend of us Candace drove us to Tennessee Department of Public Safety in Savannah, Tennessee and since none of us had ever been there before, we uttered a prayer of guidance from God to direct us to the road.

When we got there, Joshua asked the personnel at the counter if he has to take a test and the personnel replied, "since it has been more than five years it is a requirement for you to take the knowledge and skill test".  She instructed my husband to read first the Drivers License Manual and take his time to review it before his computer test.

Candace and I sat beside him while he was reading the manual.  I had my copy too and read it just too let my husband know that my support was with him.  I noticed that he was silently reading it.  I asked this to him, "are you nervous and he answered me without hesitation and not even look to my face, "no".  

When he was confident enough he returned the manual to the shelf and went back to the personnel, and got his Application form for Tennessee Drivers License test, and completed all the needed details. 

He was instructed to wait for his number to be called then the personnel over the counter 3 asked a series of questions and checked his eye sight.  I was looking to him from my seat and he looked back to me and gave me a thumbs up.  After they took his picture, he looked at me and he signaled that he was about to take the test.  He walked in towards the testing room with a door shut.

We were not able to pray together, but all the while I was praying for him.

In my mind I kept on saying, "Jesus Christ, please be with my husband guide him Lord.  Give him a wisdom to remember all the stored information in his mind and what he reviewed.  Suddenly, I was reminded that God is already with us.  His presence is everywhere. I kept on asking Him to be with my husband but a room of doubt was being magnified  on me.

I am not fully exercising the truth that His spirit is upon us. Living in us as God's gift, presence, and power within us.  The topic yesterday at the Church that talks about Genesis chapter 1 suddenly flashed back like a power point presentation in my mind.  The story of creation and how powerful God's words are.  As rebuked by the Holy Spirit, I started to thank Jesus for being with my husband and guiding him as he answered all the questions being ask.

After a few minutes Joshua came back saying, "I missed five questions out of 20 but I will pass."  Then when he got his grade, he totally missed many.  He missed 7 points contrary to what he expected. 

The evaluation paper indicated: To pass this test you could only miss 6 points and you missed 7 points.

He was disappointed and I too.  But my disappointment need not be aired out instead I encourage him and uttered to him, "its okay".

I fully understood what he was feeling inside for I've been through in the  experience of failing to passed an exam a long time ago.  I just let him to process himself and what he was feeling inside. 

Inside the car,  Candace and I encourage him together.  Candace assured us that she can bring us back on Joshua's scheduled retest.  Again, I smiled at him and said, "God is teaching you something."  Actually today's learning was not just for my husband but it was applicable for the two of us. 

Being self-confident and doubting are the two things that haunting us and a  stumbling block not conforming the character of God. 

As my husband took notes from church service, "What you profess is what you will possess.  There's a time to pray and a time to say.  Men, created in the image of God, do not always know the power of speaking to be."  

Practicing humility, trusting the Lord and  faith in action are the powerful lessons that we both learned together.  Though we failed, we will not give up.  We know that there are more retest that will come along the way but together we are confident that he who began a good work in us will carry it on to the completion until the day of Christ Jesus.  

Psalm 139:7-10

New International Version (NIV)

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.


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