Monday, October 28, 2013

Give in Love Language

It's my husband's 30th birthday today.  After 2 years and 3 months in being a relationship as a couple, its the first time we are celebrating it together, physically near, and not being separated by thousand miles of distance.  Finally we graduated from our skype and yahoo video chat days.  (Hooray!)    

Months prior to his birthday, I was thinking to surprise him big time with budget wise and practical gifts.   I was considering to get him an office chair which he can use daily while doing his online schooling.  The black chair that he was using for a year suddenly collapsed, though we fixed it but the fabric carrying his seating weight was ripped at the side and the screw became loss thread.   

In planning and choosing a birthday gift, I considered the following:

    1. Budget: Since we have a baby coming, budget always needs to consider.  Every dollar that need to spend counts a lot.  What I did was to saved every dollar spare from our daily needs and monthly bills. 
    2. Wise People Input:  Seeking suggestions and referrals are a smart thing to do.  I asked few persons where to get an office chair that would be comfortable for Joshua's need and fitted to my budget. 
    3. Taking Notes: In choosing a gift for my husband, I made sure that I was not being overwhelmed by my desire to express how important he is and that he is being minded by me (because that's the fact) but also, what I needed for him to receive was something that he really needs to have and not just based on materialism.  So what I did, I listed down all the things that he was lacking and needed to have that he can use in a daily basis. I took down notes.  
    4. Knowing your husband's love language:  Knowing Joshua's love language helps a lot in expressing my love to him and making him special not just on his birthday but on our daily interaction to nourish our marriage, friendship and oneness.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, a christian counselor and author of the Five Languages Book, all of us feel love and giving back love to others through five different ways.  But each of us has a primary love language in which we greatly feel loved.  These five love languages are: Words of affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.  (Cited: marriage).
  •  Words of Affirmation:  These are the words we use and express to boost our spouse self-image and confidence. Words like telling your mate how smart looking he is, how romantic he is, how sweet and loving he is.  Its more on appreciating all his efforts and actions through words.  Don't forget to mention how beautiful his physical asset is. 
  • Quality Time:  Is giving and spending your undivided time with your spouse. intentionally and sincerely.  Such as watching movies together before retiring to bed, eating together and staying with your spouse till he or she finish the meal, and listening attentively to your spouse.  In our case, Joshua loves to asked my opinion towards the article he was writing.  What I did, I stopped what I was doing that moment, listened and give my input. 
  • Gifts:  Dr. Chapman says, "Gifts are visual symbols of love."  Its a  physical representation that the receiver or our spouse are being remembered and not neglected on their special day or on your anniversary.
  • Acts of Service:  This requires time, creativity and effort on your part.  Since this is Joshua's one form of love language, what I did was to intentionally made him coffee daily, cooked breakfast for us and give him a back or full body massage. This is not an easy task to do, wives will agree with me on this.  This must be done with a joyful heart, and remembering that in everything we do, whether we eat or drink do it for the glory of God.  It will be a burdensome and tiring once we lose the joy in doing it. 
  • Physical Touch: As time goes by, I discovered that this is  one of Joshua's most important way of being loved.  Specially as he said, when I pulled his hair during bed time, holding his hands, stroking his back, giving him a massage, and our physical intimacy as husband and wife and a lot more. 
Going back to the chair replacement, since Joshua found a new study chair that replaced his old one I came up with a decision of giving him new set of gifts items that he both needed and wanted.  Well we are talking about option B now.  Tip, one thing that I learned in making decision, small or big (make sure that you are always equipped with list of options, so if the first option didn't work you can jump to another option.  This will avoid cramming).  Now I am talking about my own experiences.  But whatever works with you will always be good.  

The first one was the car key holder or the cross key chain for practical reason of securing our car key.  I will reveal that my husband had a tendency of being forgetful sometimes.  (lol).  For his comfort while driving, I got him an orange pillow from gleaners. A set of sweaters to keep him warm in cold weather.  And finally, a nice outfit that he loves specially the corduroy pants that he hand picked.  
Cross car key holder, first birthday surprise
Car pillow, for his comfort
Set of sweaters
Paired of brown corduroy and long sleeved shirt
To sum it up in choosing a birthday gift, the cost is not the important thing, and don't over think it.  Believe it or not, we only spent $12 dollars and some change and we found it all here in our hometown.  

What he likes best for his birthday is for me to speak his love language fluently and joyfully.  Plus our baby is the best reward that not just him is to and from both of us. 
John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him wouldn’t perish, but would have eternal life.

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